Dom's beautiful homebirth... Perfectly whole and divinely perfect.

On the 14th of April 2020, in the midst of a global pandemic, my husband, Nick, and I found out we were having a baby. We had been trying to conceive for 3 or 4 months and got our positive pregnancy test on this day. We were absolutely overjoyed and so excited. Working it back we conceived our boy the day before the first hard lockdown in South Africa began. This meant that Nick got to experience my whole pregnancy alongside me as lockdown had forced him to bring his business home. Having him there with me was one of the biggest blessings of my pregnancy. I had a very difficult pregnancy with nausea and vomiting every single day for 9 months, intense migraines, food aversions, hectic insomnia and utter exhaustion and fatigue. So much so that I had to stop working from around 6 months. Pregnancy is supposed to be such a joyful time of celebration but it was very lonely for me being in isolation as we had no idea the effects this virus could have on our baby boy. Being so strict and not seeing any of our people or being able to share that special time with them and the world was really hard on me. The pregnancy itself was actually very healthy though. Even though I was generally on a diet of Coca-Cola and Bar-ones all my tests came back good and Nate grew and developed beautifully. From the get-go he measured big for his age and was super healthy.

We reached our due date on 19 December 2020 and the action began. At around 9pm on that Saturday some mild contractions started. They were irregular and very far apart. I had good rest in between them preparing for what was to come. Sunday arrived and with it more intense and more consistent contractions. We took our dogs for a walk in a nearby field, having to stop every so often to move through a surge. After our walk my mom, Jo, and mother-in-law, Julie, arrived. I had the immense privilege of having both my mom and mother-in-law with me as support through my labour. These two hugely important women helped carry me through each surge and every moment. Having their hands on me and Love around me made me able to confidently move through this wondrous but difficult experience. Susan Lees, to us Dilla, our midwife and Nick’s aunt walked us through our whole journey. Nick was her very first home birth 35 years ago so to have her guiding us through Nate’s birth was something magical and so special. I am eternally grateful to her for her Love, support and incomparable knowledge in birthing babies.

Dilla arrived at about 6pm on Sunday evening.

Keeping an eye on my boy, Dilla measured Nate’s heart rate through a few contractions. His

heart rate stayed consistent and strong throughout. Having my amazing birth team there,

including my magnificent husband, helped me through each and every surge. My contractions were unbearable without someone pressing strongly on my lower back. Between Nick, Jo and Julie I had constant and powerful support and loving hands guiding me through each seemingly insurmountable moment.

At around 10pm I was officially in active labour and my amazing birth team prepared the birthing pool for me. It was pure heaven climbing in. At this point our darling cousin, Rebecca arrived to photograph and document our birth. What an absolute privilege to be surrounded by family through these moments. Not only family but powerful and strong mothers and matriarchs in their own right. I felt so humbled and held by the powerful energy of the divine goddess, The Mother.

My remarkable husband was with me for every moment of our labour. He supported me, rubbed my back and carried me through. I could not have birthed our boy without his Love, strength and calm.

Dilation was slow and steady but eventually Dilla suggested she break my waters to get things really progressing and from there things were very, very intense. The contractions came like non-stop waves, one on top of the other. You get to a point in your labour where it feels too difficult and too painful to continue and for the first time you start to think that maybe you can’t do this. That maybe birthing a baby, unmedicated is just too hard. It's at this point that you’ve entered transition and feel the need to start pushing. No-one can prepare you for this. It is immense and unbearable and seemingly impossible but with courage, support and Love it can be done. It is the most rewarding experience because it brings your baby into the world.

Dilla asked me to get out of the pool and I started pushing in the lounge. Nick literally held me up through each and every push. He carried me on his Love and strength, reminding me of my own strength and capabilities. He was instrumental in getting our baby out. We then moved to the bedroom and I lay on my back on our bed with my birth team surrounding me. With each push and with the physical and emotional support of our family Nate slowly made his way into the world. At one point when he was crowning, Dilla encouraged me to reach down and touch his head. “It’s so squishy!”, was my reaction. I pushed for an hour and 15 minutes to get my boy out.

Nate was born at 5:05am on 21 December 2020 at a very healthy 4.1kgs. He was caught by his incredibly strong father and surrounded by the fierce matriarchy of his Grandmothers, his great aunt, Dilla, and his second cousin, Rebecca. The stars literally aligned to birth our solstice son and birth me into motherhood as this was the day of the Jupiter and Saturn conjunction where the world could see these two planets aligned in the sky. This auspicious day was the day my son was born. I have never felt such relief as I did the moment I first heard Nate’s cry and my dogs went crazy barking with joy and surprise. His dad caught him and gave him directly to me. He was safely and happily placed on my chest. The first eyes and hands on our boy were those of family, full of Love and adoration. We allowed the umbilical cord to pulsate and eventually Nick cut that all important connection between mother and child. Natey lay on my chest wide-eyed, peacefully taking in the world and his new family. Perfectly whole and divinely perfect. It was then that I understood the truth of unconditional Love.

Having a home birth meant that as soon as Nate arrived and we’d both had all our checks, the three of us could snuggle up together in our bed and let the rest of the world disappear. It was absolute bliss. From the time Dilla arrived the day before time and space had little relevance. It felt like our house had been transported by magic to the outermost reaches of the galaxy, and now with Nate in our arms we were slowly making our way back down to reality. Our village of power women cleaned up the house while we rested together as a family and left us to soak in all Nate’s newborn deliciousness.

written by Dom Catto

photography by Rebecca https://www.lovemadevisible.co.za/mama-made-visible

Aderet Goldblatt: Miracle Natural Birth...

I was so honored to have this birth story shared with me, I first me Avigail (Aderet's sister) towards the end of last year, she told me the story of her sisters birth, I had tears in my eyes as I listened... Aderet then shared her story with me, she writes so beautifully about her experience, a true miracle birth.

Eleven weeks later and I finally have a chance to sit down and write my story.. My friend told me when I was pregnant that every girl has her ‘birth story’ that she tells everyone after giving birth. I barely believed her. I thought to myself, “What is there to really tell!?”.

Oh my do I have a story to tell..

I’ve been obsessed with babies ever since a very young age. After school I went on to study Speech Therapy and Audiology. My favourite part was working in the neonatal and paediatric wards. Whether it was doing their hearing screenings, or assisting with their feeding, as long as it was a baby I was interacting with, I was in my element.

After a couple of years of much interaction with new mothers, I came to learn so many different things. One of them, which is relevant as an introduction to my birth story, was that of my belief that natural birth is best. I saw many different moms, some that had given birth naturally and the others via caesarean section. I saw the pros and cons live every day. And I always knew in my heart that I choose natural.

In January 2020 I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I were so excited to embark on this journey together. I absolutely loved being pregnant. Looking back I realise even more how much I loved being pregnant and I miss it! That amazing feeling of imagining what your baby looks like, feeling the first kick, SEEING the first kick and seeing your babys’ beautiful features in the scans.

After having worked at Genesis Maternity Clinic for over 2 years doing hearing screenings for the babies, I knew that I would definitely give birth there. I had it all planned out. In July 2020, I started antenatal classes when I was about 6 months pregnant. I did a hypnobirthing course called The Wise Hippo. I really enjoyed these classes and I practiced the techniques as often as I could. I quote: “The Wise Hippo Birthing Programme is not only about teaching women how to have a positive birth experience. It’s about creating strong, confident mothers who inherently trust themselves, and, by using their natural instincts, make choices that are right for themselves and their families.” This is just a perfect description of the programme. There’s not much more I would need to say.

One thing that really stuck with me was learning that this was going to be the only birth my baby would get, and so I wanted to feel fully empowered and give my baby his/her right birth on the day.

During pregnancy I was presented with a lot of advice and also just remarks from people. Like the typical one’s you hear, for example, “Babies are so hectic”, “Good luck, your life is about to end”, “Natural birth is so painful, you should definitely have an epidural” etc. The Cloak of Protection that I was taught about in the Wise Hippo Programme really protected me and I am forever grateful. I also listened to the birth affirmation recordings almost every day. What I find interesting, is that those recordings actually helped me with my self value and confidence, and in life in general, not just my labour day. Although, towards the end of my pregnancy, I felt I needed a break from those recordings and I barely practiced up until a week before my birth. Unfortunately the birthing doula that gave me these antenatal classes was unable to come with me to my birth as she was expecting a baby as well.

I considered using my eldest sister as my doula but because of the Corona situation, we were almost sure that she wouldn’t be allowed in to the birth, and she was trying to limit her exposure as much as possible as well. I started to look around for a doula and a dear friend recommended her doula. That was one of the best recommendations I could have ever gotten and I am so grateful till this day that this angel of a doula came into my life.

My midwife had told me that she expected my baby to come at about 38/39 weeks and that she doubted I would go over due. Okay, so one piece of advice I have for any expectant mom, rather expect your baby later than sooner. The wait is so frustrating. On Sunday the 4th of October I was 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I was anticipating contractions. I could barely sleep. The excitement was real. The contractions started very mildly that day. I wasn’t sure what I was meant to be feeling so it was all just a confusing situation.

On Monday the 5th of October I was exactly 40 weeks. My mucous plug came through that morning. I was so excited. I told my midwife but she explained to me that it is no indication of when the birth will occur, could be in a day, could be in a week. I went to my reflexologist that morning at 10am. I thought it would be like boom and I would go into labour after that treatment. Came 1pm, 2pm and I could feel something starting but you just don’t know what to do. By 5pm I realised I was definitely feeling contractions and I was timing them. They were about 15-20 minutes apart.

My doula told me to get into the bath for at least 45 minutes. She said that if the contractions wear off then that’s not true labour, and if they get stronger then I am in true labour. By 19h30 I was very sure the contractions were getting much stronger and my husband called her and she was on her way. It was quite funny because during the contraction I was telling my husband that we definitely need to call. And then the second it was over I was like “Oh, I’m totally fine, shame don’t call her, I feel bad to make her drive all the way for nothing.”

The contractions were starting to feel sharp. My husband, mother and sister were all there to support me during this time that the doula was on her way. When she arrived she kept a note pad next to her and took notes of everything. The duration of the contractions, when I was standing, when I was sitting, when I ate.. I remained calm and relaxed (like I learned in the Wipe Hippo Programme), and reminded myself to make sure that my mind was working for me and not against me. This went on till 4am. Up until then my contractions were too inconsistent. Being at home was a beautiful enjoyable experience. I really loved it. I felt safe, and in control. The Wise Hippo course really helped me think positively and use my breathing to get through the contractions. I must say I was starting to feel really exhausted and some of those contractions were really strong and unbearable.

We got into the car. I sat at the back seat with my sister. My husband drove. Behind us was my mom and then behind her was the doula. It was a 15 minute drive. My contractions were coming every 5 minutes. So that’s a total of 3 on the way. Yes, I counted them. As we got to Genesis clinic my waters broke. My sister walked me in while my husband unpacked the car. As soon as we were in the room my sister was asked to leave immediately due to Covid regulations. I felt an instant feeling of loneliness when my sister left. Obviously I had my husband and he was so supportive and incredible. But I must say I really felt my sisters absence.

I was placed lying back on a bed. The midwife put me on the monitor. I could see her concerned look. She printed the results, looked at them and then told us that the contractions were not nearly strong enough and that our baby’s heart rate was dropping during each contraction. This was hard for me to hear and I cried. I had been in labour for about 10 hours now and was not expecting such negative news. She examined me and I was 2.5cm dilated.

I carried on. Breathing into each contraction and trying to remain in control. Thinking positively. Moving. Came 05h30, 06h30, 07h30, 08h30..and still not much progress. I was given meds to make my contractions stronger. I couldn’t actually believe it when the midwife approached me and told me she needs to give me meds to make my contractions stronger. I couldn’t imagine that a contraction could be any stronger than what I was feeling already. I was given these meds twice!

I got into the shower. I can say by about 11h30 I was already out of control. The pain was just too immense. I remember holding onto the legs of the chair for my dear life. I honestly thought I was going to die. I was so focused on getting through the contraction one at a time, that it didn’t even cross my mind to ask for an epidural! (Yes I know that sounds bizarre).

My husband was very supportive. He definitely took the ‘Birth Partner’s Checklist on the Day’ quite seriously. He kept giving me water and energy drinks, snacks and food. He knew me best and he knew what I really needed. Energy. I was so exhausted. I was now 7cm dilated. This was exciting as I knew I would hold my precious baby soon. I got into the warm steamy bath. I remember so well sitting in bath, absolutely exhausted, barely able to keep my eyes open and saying to my midwife “I’m fainting, I’m fainting”. I could see that concerned look on my doula and midwifes’ face. My doula immediately took me out the water. She walked me to my bed and lay me down. There really are no words to describe the support and love that my doula showed towards me. I didn’t even let her go for a second to the bathroom or eat. I couldn’t cope without her.

It was now 12h40 and my midwife turned to my husband and I and said that she needs to call for an emergency caesarean. I was shocked. But I was also relieved. I consented and said that I just want my baby to be safe. And for those terribly painful contractions to end. And so they began prepping the theatre. I feel that its important to share with you that this was my husband and my decision. And I’ll repeat. It was OUR decision. The midwife guided us and offered her advice and recommendations, but at the end of the day The Wise Hippo taught us that we must make our own decisions and not let others make it for us. I wouldn’t want to be in a situation where I looked back at my birth and felt that the decision was made for us.

I knew there was about 20 minutes to go and so in my head I calculated that that would be about another 20 contractions to get through. They were coming every minute and lasting for 30 seconds. My husband turned to our midwife and said: “Would you be willing to give me some time to go and pray?”. I remember thinking to myself: “Are you crazy!? I don’t want this process to be even a minute longer than it needs to be.” I honestly felt that those contractions were going to kill me. I imagined myself dying and remember asking Hashem (G-d), “What have I done to deserve this? Please stop this pain, please, please..”

The Wise Hippo teaches that healthy women, carrying healthy babies can safely birth without pain. I must be honest, in my birth I didn’t experience this. Perhaps it was just not the kind of birth G-D had planned for me.

So many thoughts were racing through my mind. I was mentally preparing myself for theatre. I was imagining all the silver shiny utensils and mirrors. I had to prepare myself as I had never even for a second during my pregnancy thought that I would end up with a ceasar.

I also remember lying there thinking that it would be amazing if a miracle happened but that this would be too much of a miracle to happen and it wouldn’t be possible for the situation to turn around. I remember so clearly then turning to my midwife and in a very gentle but desperate tone requested if my sister could come to me. Our families had all been waiting outside for hours. They were all praying tremendously now. My midwife agreed.

My sister came into the room. I felt an instant relief. She came to me and when I saw her face I cried and felt like I was looking at myself. I felt strong again. I felt complete. She encouraged me. She even lied to me and said she can see my baby is coming out and that I’ve got this. She asked me permission to smear Clarysage essential oil on me. I said: “Do whatever you want.” She smeared tons all over me. I can’t explain this feeling of relief. It was like my body was back. My strong body. My sister touched my belly and said: “I give you permission to come out.” And she made me repeat it after her.

It was now 12h55 and I all of a sudden I felt like I needed to push. But I didn’t know how to! I kept trying but my midwife said I was breathing out my nose and if I kept pushing that way the baby wouldn’t come out.

I closed my eyes. I said to myself: “Aderet, you can do this. It’s a matter of minutes before you are taken for a caesarean section. Hold your breath for as long as you can even if your eyes pop out your head, this is your last chance.” And I did. I held my breath for over a minute. My beautiful son was born on the 6th of October 2020 at 13h24. It was the most surreal experience. No words can do justice to the miracle that every single individual witnessed there.

The cleaners were cheering me on! The paediatrician! My sister! Everyone! My husband was so deep in prayer outside he had no idea what was even happening. He walked back into the room expecting me to be ready for theatre and he came into a room where he was no longer a man, but a father. His reaction was one of the most beautiful reactions I will forever remember. My sister had to leave immediately so that my husband could stay. The amount of emotions present was like a very wild storm. I felt G-ds presence in the most profound way.

A few days later we all began sharing our stories.. My sister told me a few days later that when she walked into the room she felt this gloomy feeling. Apparently she asked the midwife and doula to open all the windows and doors and air out the room. She went to the bathroom quickly and after going to the bathroom she said the prayer of Asher Yatzar, which is the beautiful prayer we say every time after we go to the bathroom to thank G-d for our fully functioning bodies. She told me that she said to G-d, “You created our bodies in a miraculous way. Please allow my sisters body to do what it needs and knows to do.” My sister has also always been very into essential oils. I was very sceptical at first, but now I am totally convinced that they work.

My midwife had told me a couple of weeks later that I had already started bleeding a lot and she became very concerned and called for the emergency caesarean. She told me that she witnessed a miracle. In her mind she knew that the second the theatre was ready, she was sending me in. She was never going to delay them and allow me to push. Because she knew that the pushing stage could take even an hour and there was no time to waste, I was losing blood and my baby was at risk for then losing oxygen. I pushed my baby out as a first time mom in about 25 minutes. Another miracle.

My gynae told me she was just 2 minutes away when she got a call to say that I had given birth naturally. She turned back.

My dad told me he was sitting at work praying from his prayer book, and told himself that the moment he would finish his prayer he knew that he would get a call from my mom saying that I was fine and had given birth to a healthy baby. And that is exactly what happened. He said the second he closed that book he got that call. He was so excited he forgot to even ask the gender of our baby.

My doula told me that she has been at hundreds of births and that at my birth she witnessed a miracle. She said: “The experience you went through is extreme. This was a huge miracle which I’ve never seen before”. She also said: “I admire Jewish mothers because you are all there for one another and that’s why you all recover a lot faster.”

My mom was outside praying for me too. My mom always has her prayers answered and I just knew she would be there for me that day.

I must say I also am grateful to all the staff at Genesis. They treated me like a princess. I now understand why the parents never want to leave Genesis.

My mother in law is very passionate and experienced in the area of ‘Family Constellations’. She gave me beautiful and meaningful explanations. She said that my sister had to give my baby ‘permission’ to come out, as by me having a natural birth I was in a way not walking in my ancestors footsteps, as my mom had ceasars with all 5 of her children and my sister had a ceasar with her first born. I don’t usually believe in weird sounding things like that. But this time it just all made sense. It made me realise that a lot of things happen beyond our consciousness.

Two days later my baby was transferred to the NICU for Jaundice and a bacterial infection. Going to bed every night without him for 9 nights was very very difficult. I lost a part of myself. But at the same time, taking care of my baby in the NICU was such a special experience for me. I’ve worked in the NICU since 2017 and it was finally my turn to take care of my own baby. But that’s a story for another time.

My story is not one that I can exactly describe. I may have shared it with you in words, but they really do no justice to the real experience. My birth was not as I imagined it to be, but looking back, my birth was beautiful. It proved to me how strong (and stubborn) I am. It proved to me that I am capable of things that I didn’t believe I am capable of.

It’s important for me to say that it may have come across in my story that a caesarean section is a bad thing. No. That’s not the message I wish to leave with you. Cesarean sections are so okay and are very necessary in some cases and needed for certain mothers and babies. Thank G-D that we live in a day and age where such things are available and safe. And it could be I’ll have a ceasar in the future. That I don’t know. And I’ll embrace it. But my point is for this specific birth I had hoped for a natural. I wanted that experience and I had prepared for it. And my birth wouldn’t have been the same experience I had originally planned for a ceasar. I learned so much through this path that I chose and every mother will learn her own lessons on HER unique path.

I now understand why the Programme is called The Wise Hippo. Because you really need to be wise, smart, present and thought-out. But you also need to be one big, mighty, strong hippo.

PS: If you want to get in contact with anyone mentioned in my story, you welcome to message me! https://mindfulmom.co.za/my-birth-story/#comment-10

Silas's Birth Story - Part One:

The Journey before the Journey

WHEN YOU THINK OF A BIRTH STORY, YOU MIGHT JUST THINK OF THE LABOR AND DELIVERY PART BUT IN THE CASE OF ME AND MY SON, SILAS, GETTING TO THAT PART WAS A WHOLE STORY ON ITS OWN. I WOULDN'T BE DOING EITHER OF US A JUSTICE IF I DIDN'T TALK ABOUT THE HARD WORK IT TOOK JUST TO GET TO THE CONTRACTIONS AND THE PUSHING AND FINALLY, THE BABY. FOR ME, I HAD ENVISIONED GOING THROUGH LABOR, I HAD THOUGHT ABOUT THE LOGISTICS OF BIRTH, AND I HAD TRIED TO IMAGINE HOW IT WOULD FEEL TO BECOME A MOM. BUT NOT ONCE DID I THINK ABOUT WHAT IT WOULD TAKE TO GET THERE.

Since my diagnosis of Gestational Diabetes, I had been going to a perinatologist every single week to check Baby's weight and size and to make sure that I wasn't having any complications from the GD. On Thursday, April 27th, 2017, the doctor told me that according to the ultrasound, Baby's shoulders were looking really big and was at risk for shoulder dystocia, which is when the baby's shoulders get stuck in the birth canal. It's a pretty serious thing and can cause very serious complications for mom and baby. I knew that Baby was going to be big but I wasn't prepared to be told that he was so big, he might get stuck! What she told me next was devastating - she told me that I should schedule a C-Section FOR THAT DAY!!! I left her office and as soon as I got to the lobby, I started crying. A C-Section was NOT in my birth plan. I called my midwife immediately. 

Thank goodness for my midwife, Jocelyn. She listened to how I was feeling, she calmly told me my options, and discussed with me what would be the best route. She suggested that I go back to my perinatologist and ask if she could perform a membrane sweep, which is a procedure where the doctor would insert a finger into the opening of my cervix and gently (but firmly!) separate the amniotic sac from my cervix in an effort to induce labor. I marched right back up to the Dr's office and she was happy to do one for me. I am so thankful Jocelyn suggested getting one done because that first membrane sweep set off a series of events that were an upwards swing for not only my mood but also getting labor started. Upon doing the membrane sweep, the doctor found out that I was already 1.5cm dilated and 80% effaced! She was completely shocked at how far along I was and after the sweep, said I was now a good 3cm dilated. I was ecstatic and immediately called my midwife to figure out what to do next. 

My midwife had already been on the phone to the perinatologist negotiating a timetable and had also spoken with the OB/GYN at the hospital. It was decided that I could go until Monday - my actual due date! - before I would need to go to the hospital to be induced or schedule a C-Section. While several days had just been bought, I was still rocked - I had gone from "Oh this is your first baby, you probably won't give birth until 41 weeks!" to "You have 4 days to go into labor." 

I was determined to go into labor naturally. I wanted to start natural induction by doing a series of pumping sessions combined with ingesting castor oil but my midwife didn't feel I was at the point where it would be safe to do. Instead, I would continue to pump only once a day for about 20 minutes (which I'd already been doing since 37 weeks), get acupuncture designed to induce labor, do stretches to help open me up, have another membrane sweep in 2 days, and try to have a lot of positive thinking. Since I was in this to win this, I also forced myself to eat spicy food - lots of spicy food! - which if you know me, you know I don't prefer!  

Long walks were a must in getting my body ready for labor! Even though I was exhausted and incredibly round, I forced myself to take walks and try to enjoy the last days of being pregnant.

And so it began - the journey just to get to the journey! It was like I'd planned a trip and now all of a sudden I was rushing to book tickets and pack. I was overwhelmed and completely stressed out. I kept thinking about getting cut open and being in a hospital and it was soul crushing. I know some other people might have chosen to schedule that C-Section right away but for me, if that was the end result, I wanted to get there as naturally as possible. I suppose it could be seen as selfish but I felt like my body had already started working on getting Baby out and I needed to honor that.

This was me trying to not be freaked out that I was about to have needles poked into my body and left there!

That same day, I got my first round of acupuncture. I stretched on the stairs and took a bath to relax. I ate spicy food and got lots of rest. On Friday, I got a second round of acupuncture where I felt intense contractions. I made my mom do acupressure on me on all the spots that are supposed to induce labor. I envisioned Baby moving down and my body opening up. Saturday finally came and I was able to get another membrane sweep which opened up my cervix to almost 4cm! My midwife felt now I was a good candidate for the castor oil and pumping method to naturally induce labor. Let's be honest for a minute - if you don't know what castor oil is or what it's supposed to do, let me enlighten you. Castor oil is a thick oil that is mostly used topically because when ingested it REALLY gets your digestive system going. If you're still confused, let me be more frank - it gives you diarrhea...a lot of it. The thought is that the contracting of all those muscles will start your uterus contracting, thus inducing labor. This sounded...well...it sounded fucking horrible. But I was determined. I hadn't come this far to give up now. Plus, I was allowed to mix the castor oil with ice cream to help it go down easier. For someone who hadn't been allowed to eat sweets for 3 months because of my Gestational Diabetes, I was *almost* excited! (PLEASE NOTE - you should not try to induce labor with castor oil without medical supervision!!!) I wasted no time and within the span of 2 hours, I'd done 2 rounds of castor oil and over an hour of pumping. I was exhausted. I still had more castor oil to ingest and more pumping to do but I was spent. I listened to my body and went to sleep...only to be woken 2 hours later to vomit up all that ice cream.

Silas's Birth Story - Part Two: Finally Meeting Baby

I worked so hard just to get to the point where I could start laboring and I'm so proud of myself for never losing faith that I would get there. The contractions were only just starting though, the castor oil ice cream was all vomited up, and the hard work was far from over.

It was about 1:30am on April 30th when I ran from my bed to the bathroom to throw up all the castor oil I'd consumed. Despite only getting 3 hours of sleep, I didn't want to go back to bed. The Hubs had only just gotten home from work a couple hours prior and I wanted him to sleep so I headed into the living room. Thank goodness my mother is a night owl because she was up and ready to sit with me. It wasn't until about an hour later that she suggested she start timing my contractions. Oh my goodness - it was happening! I had worked and prayed and sent so many good vibes to get to this point and suddenly, I was there...I was in labor. 

Contractions started getting longer and closer together. I knew I shouldn't call my midwife, Jocelyn until contractions were 5 minutes apart and at least 1 minute long over the course of a full hour. After several contractions I would request an update from my mother. With every contraction the intensity grew but I reminded myself it was one step closer to meeting Baby. With every contraction I rose to my feet off the couch and swayed and moaned and allowed my body to open up. Upon it finishing, I would drop back down onto the couch, exhausted. The stronger the contraction, the louder I got and at some point the Hubs came to see how I was doing. To his credit, my husband is a champ. I had warned him that I probably wouldn't want much interaction once things really started going and he honored that so well. It must have been tough to see me in pain and not being able to reach out and console me but for me, knowing that he was there was enough. 

When my contractions had finally gotten strong and long enough, we called Jocelyn. I honestly have no idea who talked to her or what was said. I just remember that we needed to call her again once contractions got stronger. Maybe it was when they were only 2 minutes apart or maybe just 1 minute, I don't remember and at that point I didn't care. It was nice to know that someone else was taking care of the logistics of timing the contractions and calling the midwife because I was so focused on myself and on Baby I never would have been able to. Looking back, I had such extreme tunnel vision on the task at hand. With every contraction, I focused on envisioning Baby moving down and sometimes I would bear down a bit and feel like I was helping Baby along. 

At some point, I moved from the living room to the bathroom. I liked laboring on the toilet - I was by myself and the white noise of the fan going was actually comforting. It felt more normal to have a deeper contraction, a deeper pull when I was sitting on the toilet as opposed to the couch.  My mom had taken a break from tracking contractions and my dad had taken over. Despite me being in the bathroom, he could hear me all the way in the living room! Around 6am, I wanted Jocelyn to come. I didn't even know how far apart my contractions were but I knew that they were close enough. When the Hubs told me Midwife Jocelyn would be coming in an hour, my first thought was "Holy Shit, I have to do this for another whole hour?!" To be honest though, that hour passed in a blink of an eye and before I knew it, I heard a gentle knock on the bathroom door and Jocelyn's calming voice asking if she could come in. It was so nice to see her. This is the part where I'm so thankful I chose to have a midwife. I knew Jocelyn, I trusted Jocelyn, and most of all she gave me the space to labor the way my body needed to. 

At this point, I was ready to have a baby. Going over the birth notes, it was even recorded that I wanted this baby "out"! Baby's heartbeat would slow down when I contracted on the toilet so Jocelyn suggested I try moving to the bed to see if the heart rate would go up. I didn't want to move. I would have had Baby right there on the toilet if given the opportunity but somehow I managed to make my way to the bedroom. At some point during my labor, the sun had risen and I remember thinking how bright it was in the bedroom and how everyone was going to see EVERYTHING. Then a contraction hit and I didn't care who saw what - it was Go Time. 

I was ready to push. I asked that my parents be told to come in so they could be present for the birth. My dad is a professional photographer and before him and my mom came to visit, I had asked if he would want to be our Birth Photographer. I feel so incredibly lucky to have such amazing photos from that day (all the photos on this post are ones that he took!) and I think it'll be incredibly special to share them with my son when he gets older and tell him Grandpa took them. So in came Mom and dad with dad snapping away, capturing the whole thing. I was later told that our pup, Cornelius, faithfully stood at the door and watched the whole thing!

Pushing felt like a bridge that kept getting longer. I had labored and pushed on my side for a bit with Hubs holding up one of my legs but I hated that position. Midwife Jocelyn suggested I lay on my back and try pushing. At this point, I felt so weak and exhausted. I would push and push and push and feel Baby moving down only to feel Baby slip back in once I stopped. Now, I know this is normal. I know that Baby comes out and slips back in then comes out a little farther the next time. But in the moment, it feels so incredibly discouraging. I was getting frustrated! My husband had been instructed to make sure I got water in between contractions and dutifully he would ask if I wanted some in between each contraction. It was around this time that when he asked if I wanted water, I shouted "I don't want any more fucking water!" Luckily, he didn't take it personally but he never asked if I wanted water again! Sometimes my pushes were so intense that my moans turned into screams. I knew I sounded unhinged but it was like I was listening to someone else.  Jocelyn kindly reminded me that I needed to stop screaming and pull all that energy into a push. I was given an oxygen mask and told to relax after each push session to allow my body to rest up for the next one. It was feeling like an uphill battle. I would push and push and push and surely Baby was almost out but when I asked someone, they would say they could just see the top of Baby's head! At one point, I asked Jocelyn if she could just pull the Baby out. She kindly said that no, she could not.

Suddenly, Baby was crowning and it wouldn't be long before Baby would be out. From the birth notes, I know that Baby crowned only 7 minutes before the whole head came out but oh my goodness, it felt like days. The intense burning feeling made me feel like my whole vagina was about to fall off. Jocelyn would assist in helping my body stretch a bit but it felt like I was being ripped in half. The Hubs was on the bed with me, holding my head and shoulders so I could crunch down into the push because I was still on my back. I was focused on holding my legs up and in and pushing as intensely as I could muster. There were moments were I would break down and insist that I couldn't go on, I would insist that I just can't do it. Jocelyn would calmly remind that I could, that Baby wasn't far away from being in my arms. Finally, Baby's head was out. One more push - I could do it! Jocelyn told me to reach down and oh my stars, there was my Baby! I pulled Baby onto my chest and started ugly crying "My baby! My baby!" I turned towards Hubs and proudly told him "We have a baby! I did it!" 

The insane feeling of giving birth is indescribable. But I'll try anyways! I felt so incredibly proud of myself. I had felt all the pain and continued through it. I had felt like I couldn't go on but I had. I had felt so incredibly weak but I was really so powerfully strong. Holding my baby, feeling the warmth of our bodies together clicked a switch in me and I knew I would never be the same. I was so incredibly happy, I had forgotten to ask if it was a boy or a girl! It was a boy...our little Silas had been born in our home at 9:26 am and was healthy and absolutely perfect. He weighed 8 pounds and 12 ounces and was 21 inches long. I later learned that Silas's arm had emerged first and Jocelyn helped pull it out a bit so nothing would get stuck. My mom told me that the most insane moment was after his head was out. It was turned to the side and all by himself, Silas rotated so he would be face up. Hearing that, I couldn't help but think about what Jocelyn had told me several times throughout my pregnancy - "Trust Baby." 

Silas stayed on my chest with his umbilical cord intact until I delivered the placenta about 15 minutes later. My placenta was huge - at least a pound - and beautiful, juicy red, and healthy. The Hubs cut the cord and Silas was his own person. He had bravely emerged from his watery world to come join us Earthside. Him and I did skin to skin for about an hour or so and then it was Hubs turn to do skin to skin while I took a shower. Jocelyn examined me and decided that despite me tearing a bit, stitches weren't necessary. Then our tiny family got to relax and nap all together and Silas got to latch and start feeding before Jocelyn took Silas's height and weight. I am so grateful for that time together where we could become acquainted with each other as a family. 

Silas's birth story wasn't at all how I had envisioned it would be. No birth playlist was played despite me making one. It was early morning despite me thinking he would be born at night. I didn't even remember to put on the bra I had specially bought just for the birth! Most of all, despite having originally planned a water birth, I never once got in the bathtub or shower. Yet, I wouldn't change it for the world. I feel so lucky that my parents were able to witness the birth of their first grandchild and despite the incredibly personal nature of the photos, I'm so happy my dad put on his photographer hat and snapped the most beautiful photos. I'm so fortunate I have a husband that supported me and never made me feel selfish or out of control despite me crying out once "Get this fucking baby out of me!" And I am so grateful to Jocelyn and her assistant, Johanna, for taking such good care of me. Their calmness and confidence anchored the birth in a way that I don't think would have been possible without them.

Together Silas and I worked incredibly hard to bring him Earthside. We share his birth story and it's special and unique and totally ours. 

Written by Lauren Archer @loveofalittleone