I was so honored to have this birth story shared with me, I first me Avigail (Aderet's sister) towards the end of last year, she told me the story of her sisters birth, I had tears in my eyes as I listened... Aderet then shared her story with me, she writes so beautifully about her experience, a true miracle birth.
Eleven weeks later and I finally have a chance to sit down and write my story.. My friend told me when I was pregnant that every girl has her ‘birth story’ that she tells everyone after giving birth. I barely believed her. I thought to myself, “What is there to really tell!?”.
Oh my do I have a story to tell..
I’ve been obsessed with babies ever since a very young age. After school I went on to study Speech Therapy and Audiology. My favourite part was working in the neonatal and paediatric wards. Whether it was doing their hearing screenings, or assisting with their feeding, as long as it was a baby I was interacting with, I was in my element.
After a couple of years of much interaction with new mothers, I came to learn so many different things. One of them, which is relevant as an introduction to my birth story, was that of my belief that natural birth is best. I saw many different moms, some that had given birth naturally and the others via caesarean section. I saw the pros and cons live every day. And I always knew in my heart that I choose natural.
In January 2020 I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I were so excited to embark on this journey together. I absolutely loved being pregnant. Looking back I realise even more how much I loved being pregnant and I miss it! That amazing feeling of imagining what your baby looks like, feeling the first kick, SEEING the first kick and seeing your babys’ beautiful features in the scans.
After having worked at Genesis Maternity Clinic for over 2 years doing hearing screenings for the babies, I knew that I would definitely give birth there. I had it all planned out. In July 2020, I started antenatal classes when I was about 6 months pregnant. I did a hypnobirthing course called The Wise Hippo. I really enjoyed these classes and I practiced the techniques as often as I could. I quote: “The Wise Hippo Birthing Programme is not only about teaching women how to have a positive birth experience. It’s about creating strong, confident mothers who inherently trust themselves, and, by using their natural instincts, make choices that are right for themselves and their families.” This is just a perfect description of the programme. There’s not much more I would need to say.
One thing that really stuck with me was learning that this was going to be the only birth my baby would get, and so I wanted to feel fully empowered and give my baby his/her right birth on the day.
During pregnancy I was presented with a lot of advice and also just remarks from people. Like the typical one’s you hear, for example, “Babies are so hectic”, “Good luck, your life is about to end”, “Natural birth is so painful, you should definitely have an epidural” etc. The Cloak of Protection that I was taught about in the Wise Hippo Programme really protected me and I am forever grateful. I also listened to the birth affirmation recordings almost every day. What I find interesting, is that those recordings actually helped me with my self value and confidence, and in life in general, not just my labour day. Although, towards the end of my pregnancy, I felt I needed a break from those recordings and I barely practiced up until a week before my birth. Unfortunately the birthing doula that gave me these antenatal classes was unable to come with me to my birth as she was expecting a baby as well.
I considered using my eldest sister as my doula but because of the Corona situation, we were almost sure that she wouldn’t be allowed in to the birth, and she was trying to limit her exposure as much as possible as well. I started to look around for a doula and a dear friend recommended her doula. That was one of the best recommendations I could have ever gotten and I am so grateful till this day that this angel of a doula came into my life.
My midwife had told me that she expected my baby to come at about 38/39 weeks and that she doubted I would go over due. Okay, so one piece of advice I have for any expectant mom, rather expect your baby later than sooner. The wait is so frustrating. On Sunday the 4th of October I was 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I was anticipating contractions. I could barely sleep. The excitement was real. The contractions started very mildly that day. I wasn’t sure what I was meant to be feeling so it was all just a confusing situation.
On Monday the 5th of October I was exactly 40 weeks. My mucous plug came through that morning. I was so excited. I told my midwife but she explained to me that it is no indication of when the birth will occur, could be in a day, could be in a week. I went to my reflexologist that morning at 10am. I thought it would be like boom and I would go into labour after that treatment. Came 1pm, 2pm and I could feel something starting but you just don’t know what to do. By 5pm I realised I was definitely feeling contractions and I was timing them. They were about 15-20 minutes apart.
My doula told me to get into the bath for at least 45 minutes. She said that if the contractions wear off then that’s not true labour, and if they get stronger then I am in true labour. By 19h30 I was very sure the contractions were getting much stronger and my husband called her and she was on her way. It was quite funny because during the contraction I was telling my husband that we definitely need to call. And then the second it was over I was like “Oh, I’m totally fine, shame don’t call her, I feel bad to make her drive all the way for nothing.”
The contractions were starting to feel sharp. My husband, mother and sister were all there to support me during this time that the doula was on her way. When she arrived she kept a note pad next to her and took notes of everything. The duration of the contractions, when I was standing, when I was sitting, when I ate.. I remained calm and relaxed (like I learned in the Wipe Hippo Programme), and reminded myself to make sure that my mind was working for me and not against me. This went on till 4am. Up until then my contractions were too inconsistent. Being at home was a beautiful enjoyable experience. I really loved it. I felt safe, and in control. The Wise Hippo course really helped me think positively and use my breathing to get through the contractions. I must say I was starting to feel really exhausted and some of those contractions were really strong and unbearable.
We got into the car. I sat at the back seat with my sister. My husband drove. Behind us was my mom and then behind her was the doula. It was a 15 minute drive. My contractions were coming every 5 minutes. So that’s a total of 3 on the way. Yes, I counted them. As we got to Genesis clinic my waters broke. My sister walked me in while my husband unpacked the car. As soon as we were in the room my sister was asked to leave immediately due to Covid regulations. I felt an instant feeling of loneliness when my sister left. Obviously I had my husband and he was so supportive and incredible. But I must say I really felt my sisters absence.
I was placed lying back on a bed. The midwife put me on the monitor. I could see her concerned look. She printed the results, looked at them and then told us that the contractions were not nearly strong enough and that our baby’s heart rate was dropping during each contraction. This was hard for me to hear and I cried. I had been in labour for about 10 hours now and was not expecting such negative news. She examined me and I was 2.5cm dilated.
I carried on. Breathing into each contraction and trying to remain in control. Thinking positively. Moving. Came 05h30, 06h30, 07h30, 08h30..and still not much progress. I was given meds to make my contractions stronger. I couldn’t actually believe it when the midwife approached me and told me she needs to give me meds to make my contractions stronger. I couldn’t imagine that a contraction could be any stronger than what I was feeling already. I was given these meds twice!
I got into the shower. I can say by about 11h30 I was already out of control. The pain was just too immense. I remember holding onto the legs of the chair for my dear life. I honestly thought I was going to die. I was so focused on getting through the contraction one at a time, that it didn’t even cross my mind to ask for an epidural! (Yes I know that sounds bizarre).
My husband was very supportive. He definitely took the ‘Birth Partner’s Checklist on the Day’ quite seriously. He kept giving me water and energy drinks, snacks and food. He knew me best and he knew what I really needed. Energy. I was so exhausted. I was now 7cm dilated. This was exciting as I knew I would hold my precious baby soon. I got into the warm steamy bath. I remember so well sitting in bath, absolutely exhausted, barely able to keep my eyes open and saying to my midwife “I’m fainting, I’m fainting”. I could see that concerned look on my doula and midwifes’ face. My doula immediately took me out the water. She walked me to my bed and lay me down. There really are no words to describe the support and love that my doula showed towards me. I didn’t even let her go for a second to the bathroom or eat. I couldn’t cope without her.
It was now 12h40 and my midwife turned to my husband and I and said that she needs to call for an emergency caesarean. I was shocked. But I was also relieved. I consented and said that I just want my baby to be safe. And for those terribly painful contractions to end. And so they began prepping the theatre. I feel that its important to share with you that this was my husband and my decision. And I’ll repeat. It was OUR decision. The midwife guided us and offered her advice and recommendations, but at the end of the day The Wise Hippo taught us that we must make our own decisions and not let others make it for us. I wouldn’t want to be in a situation where I looked back at my birth and felt that the decision was made for us.
I knew there was about 20 minutes to go and so in my head I calculated that that would be about another 20 contractions to get through. They were coming every minute and lasting for 30 seconds. My husband turned to our midwife and said: “Would you be willing to give me some time to go and pray?”. I remember thinking to myself: “Are you crazy!? I don’t want this process to be even a minute longer than it needs to be.” I honestly felt that those contractions were going to kill me. I imagined myself dying and remember asking Hashem (G-d), “What have I done to deserve this? Please stop this pain, please, please..”
The Wise Hippo teaches that healthy women, carrying healthy babies can safely birth without pain. I must be honest, in my birth I didn’t experience this. Perhaps it was just not the kind of birth G-D had planned for me.
So many thoughts were racing through my mind. I was mentally preparing myself for theatre. I was imagining all the silver shiny utensils and mirrors. I had to prepare myself as I had never even for a second during my pregnancy thought that I would end up with a ceasar.
I also remember lying there thinking that it would be amazing if a miracle happened but that this would be too much of a miracle to happen and it wouldn’t be possible for the situation to turn around. I remember so clearly then turning to my midwife and in a very gentle but desperate tone requested if my sister could come to me. Our families had all been waiting outside for hours. They were all praying tremendously now. My midwife agreed.
My sister came into the room. I felt an instant relief. She came to me and when I saw her face I cried and felt like I was looking at myself. I felt strong again. I felt complete. She encouraged me. She even lied to me and said she can see my baby is coming out and that I’ve got this. She asked me permission to smear Clarysage essential oil on me. I said: “Do whatever you want.” She smeared tons all over me. I can’t explain this feeling of relief. It was like my body was back. My strong body. My sister touched my belly and said: “I give you permission to come out.” And she made me repeat it after her.
It was now 12h55 and I all of a sudden I felt like I needed to push. But I didn’t know how to! I kept trying but my midwife said I was breathing out my nose and if I kept pushing that way the baby wouldn’t come out.
I closed my eyes. I said to myself: “Aderet, you can do this. It’s a matter of minutes before you are taken for a caesarean section. Hold your breath for as long as you can even if your eyes pop out your head, this is your last chance.” And I did. I held my breath for over a minute. My beautiful son was born on the 6th of October 2020 at 13h24. It was the most surreal experience. No words can do justice to the miracle that every single individual witnessed there.
The cleaners were cheering me on! The paediatrician! My sister! Everyone! My husband was so deep in prayer outside he had no idea what was even happening. He walked back into the room expecting me to be ready for theatre and he came into a room where he was no longer a man, but a father. His reaction was one of the most beautiful reactions I will forever remember. My sister had to leave immediately so that my husband could stay. The amount of emotions present was like a very wild storm. I felt G-ds presence in the most profound way.
A few days later we all began sharing our stories.. My sister told me a few days later that when she walked into the room she felt this gloomy feeling. Apparently she asked the midwife and doula to open all the windows and doors and air out the room. She went to the bathroom quickly and after going to the bathroom she said the prayer of Asher Yatzar, which is the beautiful prayer we say every time after we go to the bathroom to thank G-d for our fully functioning bodies. She told me that she said to G-d, “You created our bodies in a miraculous way. Please allow my sisters body to do what it needs and knows to do.” My sister has also always been very into essential oils. I was very sceptical at first, but now I am totally convinced that they work.
My midwife had told me a couple of weeks later that I had already started bleeding a lot and she became very concerned and called for the emergency caesarean. She told me that she witnessed a miracle. In her mind she knew that the second the theatre was ready, she was sending me in. She was never going to delay them and allow me to push. Because she knew that the pushing stage could take even an hour and there was no time to waste, I was losing blood and my baby was at risk for then losing oxygen. I pushed my baby out as a first time mom in about 25 minutes. Another miracle.
My gynae told me she was just 2 minutes away when she got a call to say that I had given birth naturally. She turned back.
My dad told me he was sitting at work praying from his prayer book, and told himself that the moment he would finish his prayer he knew that he would get a call from my mom saying that I was fine and had given birth to a healthy baby. And that is exactly what happened. He said the second he closed that book he got that call. He was so excited he forgot to even ask the gender of our baby.
My doula told me that she has been at hundreds of births and that at my birth she witnessed a miracle. She said: “The experience you went through is extreme. This was a huge miracle which I’ve never seen before”. She also said: “I admire Jewish mothers because you are all there for one another and that’s why you all recover a lot faster.”
My mom was outside praying for me too. My mom always has her prayers answered and I just knew she would be there for me that day.
I must say I also am grateful to all the staff at Genesis. They treated me like a princess. I now understand why the parents never want to leave Genesis.
My mother in law is very passionate and experienced in the area of ‘Family Constellations’. She gave me beautiful and meaningful explanations. She said that my sister had to give my baby ‘permission’ to come out, as by me having a natural birth I was in a way not walking in my ancestors footsteps, as my mom had ceasars with all 5 of her children and my sister had a ceasar with her first born. I don’t usually believe in weird sounding things like that. But this time it just all made sense. It made me realise that a lot of things happen beyond our consciousness.
Two days later my baby was transferred to the NICU for Jaundice and a bacterial infection. Going to bed every night without him for 9 nights was very very difficult. I lost a part of myself. But at the same time, taking care of my baby in the NICU was such a special experience for me. I’ve worked in the NICU since 2017 and it was finally my turn to take care of my own baby. But that’s a story for another time.
My story is not one that I can exactly describe. I may have shared it with you in words, but they really do no justice to the real experience. My birth was not as I imagined it to be, but looking back, my birth was beautiful. It proved to me how strong (and stubborn) I am. It proved to me that I am capable of things that I didn’t believe I am capable of.
It’s important for me to say that it may have come across in my story that a caesarean section is a bad thing. No. That’s not the message I wish to leave with you. Cesarean sections are so okay and are very necessary in some cases and needed for certain mothers and babies. Thank G-D that we live in a day and age where such things are available and safe. And it could be I’ll have a ceasar in the future. That I don’t know. And I’ll embrace it. But my point is for this specific birth I had hoped for a natural. I wanted that experience and I had prepared for it. And my birth wouldn’t have been the same experience I had originally planned for a ceasar. I learned so much through this path that I chose and every mother will learn her own lessons on HER unique path.
I now understand why the Programme is called The Wise Hippo. Because you really need to be wise, smart, present and thought-out. But you also need to be one big, mighty, strong hippo.
PS: If you want to get in contact with anyone mentioned in my story, you welcome to message me! https://mindfulmom.co.za/my-birth-story/#comment-10
